Don’t Get Married, Part 4: Alternatives To Marriage For The Modern Man

by Frost on November 23, 2011

A man should never complain about something he has no intention of fixing, so parts 4 and 5 of this series will deal with alternatives to the status quo. Tomorrow, we’ll consider how we can change the institution of sham marriage, but this is a political project, and one that will take many years. Today, we’ll look at the options available today for a man who rejects the conventional marriage contract. Each has its own benefits and drawbacks, and your optimal path will vary depending on who you are and the circumstances you find yourself in.

Celibacy

This is probably not an attractive choice for hot-blooded younger gents, but a man can always choose to avoid women and dating entirely. You’ll have complete freedom to do what you want, except for anything that requires the presence of a woman. The price you pay is a life spent celibate, alone, and childless, and the eventual death of not just your body, but your bloodline. Personally, I place a high value on getting laid, experiencing love, and raising a large, healthy and prolific family. If you are not similarly inclined, go forth and don’t multiply.  Revel in all the sensual and intellectual pleasure you can cram into however many years you have.

Hedonistic and Childless Bachelorhood

There is no god. Or maybe there is, and he hates us. Either way, if life comes with no higher purpose, than our experiential enjoyment of it is the absolute highest value that exists. A man with the intelligence and self-discipline to live a healthy, wealthy and conscious life can remain attractive well into his middle age and beyond. After that, there’s always hookers. A man who embraces this option lives his life for himself, seeks out the sensual pleasures that women offer, but sees his biological urge to reproduce as a con that his genes are playing on his conscious mind. The man thus thwarts those urges with modern contraceptives, tricking his body into flooding his brain with pleasure and happiness by pretending to reproduce. Silly genes!

this was my credo for several years. But whether there is a purpose to life or not, perhaps we’re better off living as if there were. A man who follows this path will be rewarded by a lonely deathbed, the end of his genetic legacy, and the inability to forecast how much he’ll really care about being a father until it’s too late. Hedonism may seem tempting now, but many of the old farts who I respect caution against it.

Hedonism + Procreation

Here we enter the realm of options available to the man who desires offspring.

Women, even those who are very intelligent and responsible outside of the bedroom, often turn into creatures with almost no future time orientation in the heat of passion. They will be upset that you want to use a condom, or that you didn’t come inside them, even if they are not on birth control. Of course most girls will readily ‘correct’ these lapses in judgements with a trip to their friendly neighbourhood clinic (get your card punched once more and the next one is free!) but with a little bit of feigned commitment and the right girl, having out-of-wedlock children isn’t particularly difficult. Between a slew of unprotected randoms and a few married ones who I think were explicitly trying to get preggers, I’d be surprised if there weren’t a few little Frosties running around somewhere.

A man who aspires to sire some bastard children to covertly carry his genetic legacy into the late 21st century and beyond would do well to focus on the following niches: 1) Poor girls, 2) Married women whose husbands’ race matches your own, and perhaps the stridently religious. I have no experience with the latter though, and suspect they and their communities may be more trouble than they’re worth.

The drawback to this course is that you’re children grow up as fatherless ghetto street cats, or raised by cheating whores and their inadequate cuckold husbands.

Unmarried Fatherhood

The link above goes right back here, because this is the strategy I plan to embrace. It’s also the one with the longest disadvantages column.

I take it as a given that I will not be satisfied by a life of casual hookups and mini-relationships. I also know that it is important to me to have children, and to be a strong presence in their life. Perhaps you do not feel that way, and never will, but I think most men will eventually come to the realization that they want families. And if they don’t, their hedonistic genes will die out and the statement will become truer with each passing generation (here at Freedom Twenty-Five, we’re always thinking about long-term readership).

So I want kids, and I don’t want them to grow up fatherless. What’s my magic formula for achieving these goals in the contemporary anti-marriage and anti-father legal and cultural environment? There isn’t one. If you want what I want, you just have to bite the bullet, mitigate the risks to the best of your ability, and keep a contingency plan in your back pocket in case things go south. Here are the steps I suggest you follow:

1) Figure out what you want in a prospective mother of your children.

Dalrock’s series is a good place to start (just use a looser interpretation of ‘wife’). Don’t let yourself get blinded by love, and make sure you go into your hunt with a solid understanding of female psychology and a carefully-refined ability to differentiate between keepers and tossers. Conveniently, to the hedonist that lives in every man, the best way to achieve this ability is a youth spent in reveling in the sensual pleasures of non-marriageable women. Remember young playboys: You’re plowing whores for the sake of your future children. And of course, science.

2) Learn as much as you can about Game, evolutionary biology, and relationships.

In other words, take the Red Pill. Read this blog and others like it. As above, spend your 20’s banging your way to a healthy understanding of women and relationships.

The standard figure tossed around for the American divorce rate is 50%. Not great odds. This figure improves somewhat to ~70% if you limit the sample to marriages in which the woman is middle class or higher and is a devout follower of a traditionalist religion. Better odds, but still suspect.

But what if you add a husband who has a decent understanding of the principles of Game into your regression?

Dave in Hawaii and Dalrock both saved their marriages by learning and applying some very basic principles of seduction. The GSS does not ask respondents ‘how’s your game, bro?’ so this is impossible to quantify, but it stands to reason that a man with a solid understanding of Game has a much higher chance of avoiding the pitfalls of the modern family law court than one who is not similarly endowed.

As a man in the 21st century, it is impossible to fully insure against the potential dangers of fatherhood. But if you do a proper job of screening potential mothers, and handling them correctly once you’ve irreversibly handed her a great deal of control over your life, you can vastly improve your odds.

3) Don’t Get Married

Redundant, yes, but it’s a point worth reiterating.

You may read the above and think, great! I can pick a good woman, learn game, and have a high chance – probably around 90% – of living happily ever after. So why not just make her family happy and put a ring on it?

First of all, 90% is not 100%. And in the event that shit gets real, you’ll be in a much stronger legal position if you’ve neglected to walk the aisle.

More importantly though, a woman’s willingness to join you in resisting the pressure society puts on us to enter into sham marriages is an excellent test of several important qualities.

Is she intelligent and open-minded enough understand your opposition to marriage? Any woman that I could trust would need to demonstrate her ability to reject conventional wisdom and social norms, and embrace my own eccentric (and correct) worldview.

Does she actually want to spend the rest of her life with you? Or is she just excited to have a materialistic extravaganza of a party where she gets to be a superstar?

Is she really planning to commit her life to your family? If so, what you’re offering her – essentially, marriage without the contract – is functionally identical to full-on marriage. The lack of a formal contract only matters in the event that the marriage ends.

If you’ve found a woman who you’re ready to trust enough to let her have your children, but she insists on getting hitched first, I suggest you have a long conversation with her about why she feels that way. You’ll either convince her, or learn some interesting new information about her that will hopefully call your earlier judgement into question.

4) Have An Exit Strategy

Man plans, and God laughs.

You can do everything right. You can pick the best woman, with the information you have at the time. You can game her perfectly, to the extent of your abilities. You can do it all, and still get fucked. So make a plan.

Do not confine your plans to the dictates of the corrupt government whose soil you happen to live on. You are a man, and this is your family. If the worst happens, you will protect it by any means necessary.

5) Accept that no matter what you do, and how much you plan, you are still rolling the dice

But so what? You roll the dice every time you cross the street or ride a bike without a helmet. If having children and being a good father to them is important to you (as it is to me), there are some risks you are doomed to take. Avoiding intimacy, family, and procreation will prevent exposing you to one set of risks. But as in all aspects of life, tradeoffs exist. Some things are worth risking your livelihood and freedom over.

*

In the next and final installment, I’m going to outline what I think is just and realistic plan to return the option of traditional marriage to young men and women. It won’t happen soon enough for our generation, but perhaps we can leave our children with a better world than our parents left for us.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Explore Nature November 28, 2011 at 10:57 am

Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman with responsibilities of each other. However it is based on sexual attachment and the sexual attachment is depending on the gender specifications. Men must be masculine and women must be feminine, then the concepts of marriage and family will be active and successful.

http://spiritofnature99.blogspot.com/

Mikey November 27, 2011 at 12:34 pm

“‘sperm bank’ option? Easiest way ever to ‘father’ dozens of children”

Holy shit! genius.

Orange November 24, 2011 at 3:51 am

Where the fuck is the ‘sperm bank’ option? Easiest way ever to ‘father’ dozens of children without much effort. Just donate multiple vials of your sperm to a couple of sperm banks in the US, Canada and Europe et voila you’ll probably end up with more children than you ever thought possible. There was a newspaper article a few years ago on a guy who came to know that the sperm he donated fathered over 100 kids…

No chance of getting pulled for child support either.

Anonymous November 24, 2011 at 12:15 am

“If you really want to have some “bastard children,” then focus on childless, possibly single, women at around 30. They hear their biological clock ticking at 100dB and may even pull the condom off your cock before they mount you, and not “because it feels better.””

Only do this if all your bases are covered and you are bulletproof, that is to say unassailable in terms of assets and income. Setting aside the point that younger, healthier women tend to produce healthier children, these types of starting-to-get-desperate women are also the ones who will try to make the most claims on you. They have played the carousel, and are looking not just for a kid, but a provider as well.

Anonymous November 24, 2011 at 12:12 am

“Get a surrogate. Through agencies, you can find a woman to father your child; like women have sperm donors, we can use wound and egg donors. After the birth of the child it’s all yours. 100% custody and no one can ever take him from you*.”

* DHS, Child Services and other restrictions may apply.

But yes, this is definitely an option if children, and not a non-marriage LTR is your goal.

One thing to also be careful about is the Common Law marriage statues (palimony). I believe this varies by state/country, but after a certain amount of time living together, a woman does in many cases gain a legal claim similar to that of actual marriage. One way to avoid this is to maintain separate residences (mailing addresses, utility billing, various registrations, etc. – make sure you have a solid paper trail) and just ‘stay over’ at each other’s place for periods of time. However, realize that even in this case the mother of your child will have some legal claim on child support and even the rights to ‘her’ residence if owned outright, or ‘maintenance’ payments if it can be shown that you have been supporting her.

Note that this does not apply to the surrogate-without-exclusive-LTR situation mentioned above.

As with all things, caveat emptor.

Aaron Sleazy November 23, 2011 at 4:59 pm

That’s an interesting post. Let me just comment on this bit:

“A man who aspires to sire some bastard children to covertly carry his genetic legacy into the late 21st century and beyond would do well to focus on the following niches: 1) Poor girls, 2) Married women whose husbands’ race matches your own, and perhaps the stridently religious. I have no experience with the latter though, and suspect they and their communities may be more trouble than they’re worth.”

First of all, poor girls are not a “niche”, they are the majority. Of course, it depends on how you define poor, but in the US hardly anybody is without debt, and they use credit cards to fuel their lifestyle. Your other option strikes me as “keyboard jockeying”.

If you really want to have some “bastard children,” then focus on childless, possibly single, women at around 30. They hear their biological clock ticking at 100dB and may even pull the condom off your cock before they mount you, and not “because it feels better.”

anonymous November 23, 2011 at 11:46 am

continuing from the previous post, for the player who does want children, it would make sense to marry his woman after she gets pregnant. And possibly after the first child is born, depending on the health insurance situation. Her financial security is guaranteed by the state either way, so with this, the player doesn’t over-invest in any one woman who can’t or won’t bear him any children. Yes, there is some monies that can be protected by avoiding the government contract, but the big money is when there is child support involved. And for those that do have children, the risk of paying child support is the cost of doing business.

anonymous November 23, 2011 at 11:05 am

why are there so many posts out there titled “don’t get married” ? The real question is whether to have children or not. If you have children with a woman, you are pwned, with marriage or without. If you can manage to keep a woman and children in orbit, there is a chance maintaining a frugal household. But if the woman splits, and the state steps in to manage child support, lets just say that you better like your job / career.

As for surrogate, that angle isn’t very attractive for a number of reasons. For one, the costs are extremely high, both for the baby itself, and then outsourcing its care to strangers until baby is old enough for government school. And its not scalable either. You might be able to afford one, but definitely not three. If you have that much money to throw at the problem, then you might as well risk it with a woman who will bond with the child, and possible her husband. And at least the future won’t be burdened by uncomfortable questions.

DW November 23, 2011 at 9:36 am

Great article, man. Its good that you stated that most men want children at some point; its an obvious point, but still, this is a little fact that most PUAs and Game sites fail to mention.

whatconsensus November 23, 2011 at 9:25 am

F0r unmarried fatherhood: You left out one important option that can help you avoid many of the pitfalls that you outlined: Get a surrogate. Through agencies, you can find a woman to father your child; like women have sperm donors, we can use wound and egg donors. After the birth of the child it’s all yours. 100% custody and no one can ever take him from you.

Johnny Milfquest November 23, 2011 at 5:39 am

Solid post. Airtight logic.

I’d love to hear the SoCons objections to this. I’m pulling up a chair and some popcorn.

Previous post:

Next post: