How To Deal With A Breakup

by Frost on October 17, 2011

Breakups happen. If you’ve never been hurt by the end of a relationship, you’re either not letting yourself fully experience the pleasures of love and intimacy, or you’re not dating girls worth falling for.

To the weak, mewling beta, the loss of a decent woman is reason enough to spend years cowering in jammy-jams with a bucket of ice cream. A man with options, confidence and swagger will not succumb to weakness so easily, but he will still feel the heavy weight of loss.

The default response of men to these negative emotions is to wallow in them. But there is no emotion less productive than self-pity. You are a man. No one cares if your feelings are hurt. Does this seem cruel and unfair? A double-standard even, since the world seems to grind to halt whenever a female needs emotional support? Perhaps. But that’s life. As men, the world gives us high-fives for sleeping around, but it doesn’t offer us its shoulder to cry on. Not a bad trade if you ask me.

In any case, let’s get down to business. Here’s The Freedom Twenty-Five Seven-Step Breakup Recovery Program. Pass it along to any friends who might need it.

1) Hit the gym

A funny thing happens to a man’s body when he’s in a relationship. His testosterone levels drop, all the better to make him into a sensitive, Grey’s Anatomy-watching cuddle-buddy who will keep a pair bond stable and dull. You need to metaphorically inject yourself with a dose of the manly molecule ASAP, before the combination of low-T and loneliness send you spiraling into wussiness. Get your ass under a squat rack, lift heavy regularly, and you’ll feel like a grizzly rather than a teddy bear.

2) Get in shape

Partially covered above, but relationships have a tendency to catalyze the growth of spare tires around the midsections of ensnared men. Put yourself on a healthy diet, incorporate sports and light physical activity into your lifestyle, and if you must torment your body with liquor, drink like a paleolithic alcoholic.

3) Make a budget

Unless this is your first time here, you know better than to consistently pay for a girl in a relationship. But the transition to being single will throw a wrench into your best-laid financial plans. Bar tabs, condoms, drink dates, sexual health clinic visits, and all sorts of costs incidental to the single life enter your income statement. Maybe you’re even shopping for a new apartment.

Whatever the case, your financial situation is now different. Take this opportunity to consider what expenses you can do without. Make a financial plan that keeps you happy, and lets you sock a few bucks away for when you want to quit your job and travel the world.

4) Fuck everything that walks…

…And then find some wheelchair-bound sloots to top it all off. Go to the bar. Go to the coffee shop. Introduce yourself to girls. Have sex with them. Get their phone numbers. Have sex with them. Go on (cheap) dates. Have sex with them.

If you were in a moderately serious relationship, you probably spent 5-20 hours a week with the girl. So now you have a lot of free time. Are you going to fill that time with a) Tears, b) Video games, or c) Sluts? Door number three is the correct answer, gentlemen. It is very, very hard to feel sorry for yourself when you’re consistently getting laid with girls who are at least as attractive as your ex.

5) Learn game

Yeah, I know. You already have game. You’ve banged XX girls, or even XXX. Well, I hate to break it to you friend, but you’ve gotten soft. Lay a saucer of milk out every night for the hardest cat on the block, and he’ll be doing a Garfield impression on your stoop before the year’s out.

You’re only as good as your last set. And your last set was a while ago. Review some classic material, and start racking up approaches. Your mind has forgotten a lot of what it knew about the dynamics of conversations with new women. You need to re-learn that unconscious competence.

6) Re-evaluate your life

Breakups suck, but they can also serve as catalysts for all sorts of necessary changes in your life. When two people are in an intimate relationship, part of who they are becomes consumed by the dual identity they’ve forged with their partner. The sickeningly close couples who do everything together and finish each other’s sentences are an extreme example, but even two people in a non-co-dependent relationship will lose a piece of themselves. It’s not even necessarily a bad thing.

But now that you’re single, you have a rare opportunity to cast aside the assumptions you’ve been trapped in. Change and personal growth often feeds back on itself, building up momentum. When you make small changes, bigger ones start to seem possible. If your girlfriend broke up with you, use the chaos in your life to completely reinvent yourself as whoever yo want to be.

7) Become too good for her

The end of a relationship is a scary time, because each person must immediately (and subconsciously) conduct a bottom-up reassessment of their sexual marketplace value. Once upon a time, you and the lady made the mutual decision that you were a fairly close match.

If she ended it, it’s likely because she subconsciously made the decision that she is now too good for you.

So what’s happened in two years? Have you gotten fat? Has your career stalled, and dragged your confidence down with it? Most importantly, have you lost the passion and drive that attracted her to you in the first place?

If so, it is completely within your power to become a better man, and become so much better that the girl you’re currently fighting back tears over, wouldn’t even earn a second glance from you. It’s not healthy to be obsessing over “winning” the breakup, years after the fact. But if you’re in a fragile state, take strength and motivation from whatever sources you can.

*

Losing a good girl can be tough. But if you retain mastery over your emotions, you will walk away better.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1lettuce October 17, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Harbing, if you don’t like it, dont read it.

Every Game man bs’es a bit about being alpha. I think that’s just aiming higher than you can.

And besides it makes a read more entertaining.

Colt Hardington October 17, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Harbing = super ponytail wearing, uber emotional, feminist cool-aid drinking MANGINA. P.S. Love your blog.

Harbing October 17, 2011 at 9:35 pm

My god I have never seen a more “macho-manly man emotions are for sissies” article in all of my time on the internet.

Seriously, that takes skill. I applaud you.

Got any advice for the rest of us real people? You know, the real people that exist? Not this fake ubermench alpha you seem to think we all are? Also, just how many STD’s do you want us to catch fucking everything that walks? I mean condoms are great and all but that mean little to no oral and that’s just plain mean to your partner.

Socialkenny October 17, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Points 1,2,5 and 7 are key.

I find that the worst mindset one can be in after a break up is to revert to doing nothing.

Work to home and a movie just won’t cut it.

Good advise:like your blog.

AJ October 17, 2011 at 7:37 am

Cool post… about a year-and-a-half too late for me, but in the past year I have managed to figure out some of these with the help of yours and other game/man blogs. Thanks for all the info. I still need to work on those approaches!

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