A Cautionary Tale

by Frost on September 29, 2011

“Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise. Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it. Her love for you will blossom under these conditions.

-Roissy/Heartiste on Dread:

Today I’m going to tell you a story. Like most, it’s about a girl.

Jessica is very beautiful. Six feet tall. Half-Japanese. Yoga instructor. Former runway model.

Not only does this girl literally stop traffic, she’s also a pretty decent person. Very close with her friends and family. Sweet. Reasonably intelligent. More traditionally-minded and family-oriented than most girls in her generation. At twenty-six, she is entering husband-shopping mode.

Jessica is in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend. Why, you ask? Well, because after a few months, she’s just not feeling it anymore. She’s going through a transitory phase in her life, and it’s been very confusing for her. She’s been busy, and she’s not sure if she has time for a relationship. There are other reasons, but they are equally vapid. She’s not aware of it of course, but the simple fact is that she has ceased to be attracted to her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, and her brain is furiously concocting nice-sounding rationalizations to soothe his self-esteem, and her own. We’ll call this boyfriend Gallant.

Just prior to Gallant, Jessica was dating (although I use the term loosely) Goofus. Jessica fell hard for Goofus, and stayed madly in love with him right up until the day she broke it off after a year or so together. Ending the relationship took an admirably healthy dose of personal strength, in a triumph of head over heart that most girls today would not be able to muster. Throughout their relationship, Goofus was treated like gold. Monogamy was never expected from him. A blind eye was turned towards evidence of other women in Goofus’s life.

It would be difficult to overstate the contrast between Jessica’s feelings for Goofus and Gallant, even though the two men were similar in many ways:

– They are both fairly, though not superlatively, good-looking

– They both had similarly prestigious and decent-paying jobs

– They both carried themselves with confidence and swagger

– They both loved Jessica very much

So why did one of these men earn a year of commitment-free happiness from Jessica, and the other a few months of quickly-waning lukewarmth?

The answer in a word, is Dread. From the beginning, Gallant was the picture of stability, devotion and predictability. He wore his heart on his sleeve. When Jessica told him she was having doubts about their relationship, he begged her to reconsider and immediately changed his facebook profile picture to one of them posing together. Gallant is sitting at home right now, wondering what the hell happened, since he has never given Jessica any reason to worry about their relationship. He’s a simple man, who prefers to stay in and watch movies than go hit on girls. He would rather take a vacation to an all-inclusive Caribbean resort than to a far-off exotic country. Presumably, he just wants to work hard, develop his career, and provide for a loving family. And he’s confused why his plans don’t seem to be working out.

Meanwhile, Goofus kept Jessica in a constant state of fear that he was about to leave. He was moody. Unpredictable. Would go days without calling. In fact, I would not be surprised if he had read and was implementing Roissy’s Dread post, as he was an open and avowed pick-up artist. Despite her repeated requests, he refused to put a label on their relationship, but she still harbored a delusional trust that he was faithful. Still, on multiple occasions, Jessica was forced to acknowledge incontrovertible evidence that Goofus was sleeping with other women, and while there were occasional fireworks, she stayed with him throughout.

Although some details have been changed to protect the innocent, this story is true in every important detail. Men of the 21st century, this is the world you live in. You cannot choose how that world treats the real-life Goofus’ and Gallants. All you can choose is which path you take.

Will you sacrifice yourself on the funeral pyre of marriage and commitment in the western world? Will you offer your body, your freedom, your emotional well-being, in defense of morals and ideals that those around you have given up on? Will you take your place as a white knight fighting for a lost cause, acting the gentlemanly fool with archetypal North American women who will only punish you for your decency? If so, then you are reading the wrong blog. Turn off your computer and start looking for a second job. You’ll need it when the divorce lawyers come knocking.

As men of this era, we must be extremely cautious with regard to the trust we lend to the women with whom we associate. Don’t be the sucker taking girls on $100 dinner dates. Don’t be the sucker thinking your girl is exclusive while she heads out for a “ladies night” and hooks up with whichever man captures her drunken attention. Don’t be the sucker paying half your salary in child support and alimony for presents and vacations for your ex-wives new boyfriends, while your flesh and blood wears clothes from the Salvation Army. You have to be smarter than that, and you have to be colder than that. You have to be cynical.

Is this sad? Actually, it’s not so bad. My tune may change in a decade or so, but for now, there’s never been a better time to be a young single man who understands the nature of female psychology. It’s a hard world for beta men, but they can always learn to stop being betas.

But I’ll tell you who I really feel sorry for: The decent women. Because they’re out there, they’re going to try to find good men, but all they’re going to find is a generation of men like me. Hopefully gentlemen, for your own sake, men like you. We are cynical because we have to be, for our own protection.

Good luck out there, ladies.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

xsplat October 2, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Well written and encouraging to hear it from a young man.

Yay internet. Game is maturity of dating, and the internet is the speeding up of maturity.

Gmac October 2, 2011 at 10:02 am

Excellent post, it captures the North American relationship archetype perfectly. I think everyone knows a guy like Goofus and Gallant. Your post really puts these real world relationships in perspective.

The sad fact is, most of the men out there like Gallant and the women like Jessica are completely oblivious to what is really going on in their own lives.

Goofus is just doing his thing (unknowingly or not), reaping the benefits of game.

Gallant doesn’t realize that his behaviors and actions knock him down a few pegs in the eyes of women — a testament to how sad and true as it is to be “noble” in today’s world.

Jessica can’t understand why she’s so attracted to the promiscuous, selfish, aloof man, when objectively he shouldn’t be worthy of her affections at all.

The “plugged in” Matrix analogy was never more appropriate.

Such is life. Game on.

Z October 1, 2011 at 9:21 am

Nice touch, limiting the conversation to “North American” women. For the most part, they are indeed horrible compared to the European ones and definitely deserve every ounce/gram of what’s coming to them. Unfortunately, European men are just as Beta so the divorce rate is about the same as on the other side of the Atlantic.

anon October 1, 2011 at 3:53 am

I agree with enj. Don’t worry about us decent women who choose decent men. We live very…”decent” lives.
The one man I was the most passionate about I hated with every fiber of my being. It was not a healthy state of mind.

enj October 1, 2011 at 12:56 am

Don’t feel too bad for “decent” women. Many love their “beta” boyfriends.
Looking forward to your next post.

Cheers,

enj

Simon September 30, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Mate, I can’t believe you think you have to be a lying, no good, cunt to get girls to like you. And, like iks I think you’ll become very unhappy if you take that path.

Again, I urge you to re-look at your assumptions with regard to game. Take a look at what you’re trying to achieve by using game. From what I can gather, your life is aimed at making youself look cool to other people. If that’s really what you’re trying to achieve, then great, you’re doing it right, but I know it isn’t.

Your soul is screaming out for something more.

iks September 30, 2011 at 4:30 pm

I’m not at all interested in bossing my friends around or taking the last apple. Actually this mentality is what gradually drove me into a very unhappy place and then away from “game” entirely, so as to run like hell from such a place.

Many gamers, especially Roissy remind me of Bazarov from “Fathers and Sons.”

“We base our conduct on what we recognize as useful,” Bazarov went on. “In these days the most useful thing we can do is to repudiate – and so we repudiate.”
“Everything?”
“Everything”
[…]
“However, if I may say so,” began Nikolai Petrovich, “You repudiate everything, or, to put it more precisely, you are destroying everything…. But one must construct too, you know.”
“That is not our affair… The ground must be cleared first.”

Don’t know if you’ve read it but here’s a good description of Bazarov: (warning- spoilers)
http://www.shmoop.com/fathers-and-sons/yevgeny-vassilyich-bazarov.html

Anyhow, I’m also not at all interested in being:

“the sucker taking girls on $100 dinner dates.[…] the sucker thinking your girl is exclusive while she heads out for a “ladies night” and hooks up with whichever man captures her drunken attention. […] the sucker paying half your salary in child support and alimony for presents and vacations for your ex-wives new boyfriends, while your flesh and blood wears clothes from the Salvation Army.”

I just think there’s a middle ground between being that and being “Goofus.” OTOH I can understand the appeal of being Goofus, Roissy or Bazarov– you very well might become happy doing so– it’s just definitely not the path for me.

Arch September 29, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Now I’m used to being alone and, in fact, that is my preference most of the time. But people hate being alone and this goes back to the start of time. That’s a hard thing to overcome.

Same experience here. I had a withdrawal period at first but that was almost a decade ago. Now, my mind boggles when I see miserable couples together for the sake of not being alone.

Most people see being alone as the bottom of the relationship scale. In fact its probably the center, the happy medium.

Picture an ocean with you floating on the surface alone. You’re treading water and able to breathe. The right woman is a balloon that can raise you up out of the water while the wrong woman is a ship anchor that will drag you down to the darkest depths.

The problem is its next to impossible to tell whether you’re grabbing a balloon or an anchor. Learn to let go quickly when you feel the weight dragging you down.

Rob September 29, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I think one important truth often goes unsaid. Whether the truth is known or not by writers, I’m not sure. But the fact is the majority of people cannot stand being alone for any length of time. The idea of spending time by oneself scares the shit out of people. In my opinion, this fact leads men and women to stay in unsatisfying and unhealthy relationships. Even if guys learn game, and start attracting hotter girls, their tendency will still be to remain in a relationship.

Now I’m used to being alone and, in fact, that is my preference most of the time. But people hate being alone and this goes back to the start of time. That’s a hard thing to overcome.

(r)Evoluzione September 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Don’t feel sorry for the “decent” girls. They make choices and live with the results of those choices, just like the rest of us.

If anything, girls who are “decent,” and by that I believe you mean girls who will still be attracted to bad boys, but will resist the impulses of the tingling vagina, these aren’t girls to feel sorry for, these are girls to commend, and to connect with before too much water flows under those bridges.

Feeling sorry for somebody just causes you to lose power. It’s a subtle form of pedestalization. And we all know that pussy on a pedestal is the perfect storm for corrupting that once-decent woman.

Game on, gamesmen.

Tschafer September 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm

For the young women of the world, I’d say that this comes under the heading of “be careful what you ask for”…

Roark September 29, 2011 at 8:24 am

Well are there decent girls or aren’t there?

a September 29, 2011 at 12:10 pm

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