Be Grateful He’s Making You Chase Him

by Frost on July 20, 2011

Girls frequently complain that men act aloof in the initial stages of courtship.

We send cryptic texts. We don’t ask you out on a proper date. We push you away and tell you to slow down after our first shared kiss. We wait a while before calling you for subsequent dates.

Why, girls often ask, do men play games?!?! Why can’t we just be upfront?

But girls should learn to tame their anger at the hard-to-read, hot-and-cold behaviour of the men they’re attracted to. As infuriating as it is, these men are giving you the opportunity to be attracted to them.

Let’s think about cats for a minute.

99% of the time, cats are bored as shit. They laze around until the sun moves and they have to change windows, or someone feeds them.

The highlight of a cat’s day, the moment that cats truly live for, is when some kind soul deigns to dangle a string in front of it. In that moment, the cat finds bliss. She pursues. She chases. As long as that string remains just out of reach, she will be the happiest cat alive, momentarily freed from the dull torment of daily life by the all-consuming burning in her soul to catch that string. In the moment she pins it between her paws, the freedom ends anti-climactically, and she returns to dull reality. But for a few minutes – until mastah got bored and decided to make dinner – she was alive.

Women are like cats.

The vast majority of men around them are uninteresting, as stationary objects are uninteresting to cats, so they spend most of their time bored. The men who present themselves usually do so in an obvious manner – they’re all string, no dangle.

Can you guess what happens when you throw a string on the ground in front of a cat, and leave it there?

Maybe the cat is momentarily intrigued by this new stimuli on her radar, but it soon loses interest when it realizes the string isn’t going anywhere. On to the next string, the cat will think. Or perhaps, disregarding Nagel, if we suppose to enter the mind of the cat: “A fine string this is – what a shame it’s not being dangled effectively, and just lays there for my taking.”

Women love men the way cats love string. The chase is a key ingredient in the seduction. A man who presents himself as immediately attainable, and never makes the girl think “Why isn’t he talking to me/kissing me/calling me?” is like a piece of inert string. He could be interesting, if only he learned how to dance.

So girls, when you find yourself popping a vein over a guy who refuses to immediately and unambiguously lay his intentions on the line, remind yourself: Without the dance, you would be as bored with him as you are with the hundreds of other invisible men around you. Be grateful that some men, by virtue of their experience and understanding of human female psychology, have the ability to thrill and entice you. It’s frustrating, but it beats laying in a sunbeam all day.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Dean January 27, 2013 at 5:01 am

@Cat

You confirm why its better for a man to induce a woman to chase him. You say without it you dont have the desire. Like most women you dont want what you know you can have.

Lee December 25, 2012 at 9:39 am

How extraordinarily naive of you! What you have described here is confusion. Making a girl chase you doesn’t result in attraction it results in her confusion. Men, do you REALLY want a girl to be confused about you or do you want her to be attracted to you? The reason some women will chase will boil down to 2 things and 2 things only. 1. You are confusing the women with low self-worth. The reason she will be chasing you is because she needs validation and also needs to control the situation because well… that’s what people with low self worth do. A bit like men who try to make women chase them. 2. You have confused the woman with high self-worth – here the reason she is approaching you is she is looking for information because she is flipping a coin about you. The question is “should I stay or should I go because I’m getting so little back on my investment here I have better things to do!” Believe you me, this girl already has one foot out the door and wants to leave she is simply looking for that one piece of info from you to get gone, and it will be the next time you “end the conversation with her first.” You’re meant to be the providers and protectors – why the hell would a woman chase you into that? You provide, we select. You lead – we back lead. The reason “nice” guys do this has nothing to do with being nice it is because you’re boring. You don’t have your own thing going on. Same goes for girls. This is why she gets bored. Learn to create natural, lasting attraction, learn how to flirt, work on yourself and your own confidence and self-worth. Be the person who is worthy of attracting the kind of person you are looking for. Only men with low self-worth need women to chase them because they simply do not feel worthy of any of the women they meet. Only women with low self-worth chase because they do not feel worthy of being the pursued. So they chase after the men who treated them indifferently who validate their self-image. Water seeks it’s own level.

Cat January 26, 2013 at 1:23 am

This comment from this Lee person, they have a point. I have been gamed into complete confusion and have left situations. I have also been caught in push/pull situations that were hard to walk away from but did eventually. I am just assuming now these guys just played me, maybe they didn’t care. That being said- unfortunately I DO enjoy chasing men. UNFORTUNATELY because I get played and end up FWB or whatever…so now I DON’T chase no matter how BADLY I WANT TO. So..if you want to make ME chase you forget it. However…I deep down LOVE the chase and wish I could without being in such danger of getting my heart broken. Not being able to chase makes me feel like I am not choosing. I don’t get to feel the desire and wanting. But really; I got too burned on that one.

Dirt Man July 31, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Good stuff Frost, spot on with the women = cats analogy.

olly July 21, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Can you recommend a good book or resource on female psychology?

Frost July 22, 2011 at 9:43 am

Sperm Wars, Robin Baker

As many Ev Psych texts as you can get your hands on

The Mystery Method

Most of the links in the side bar, Roissy in particular

brock July 21, 2011 at 9:26 am

naah! i’ve done this. it didn”t get me no chicks.

Ryan July 20, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Well done. This also explains why no man ought to feel any remorse when putting up a carefully crafted mask of indifference in order to game a chick he deeply cares about. Too many self-righteous critics of Game lose focus and deem it strictly a self-serving, intolerable promotion of the sole sin recognized consistently throughout modernity, viz., a breach of Authenticity, a.k.a. hypocrisy and Not Being True To Oneself (oneself, of course, being the only person one ever ultimately offends anymore, i.e., to whom one might in our times even possibly “be true”).

A genuinely loving man will harness the intense passion he has for his beloved virtuously, subduing it under his protective instincts with domineering confidence. He will employ his mastery of female psychology as a resource not only for enlivening her with pleasure and infatuation, but for inspiring her to faithfully follow him, along with his own justified plans and pursuits, with supportive commitment. Otherwise, she’ll likely be bored, lost, and doomed to the very flaky, fleeting fancies that enabled the efficacy of Game from the start. So who’s the knight in shining armor now, hm? Indeed, it would seem that the roundtables have turned. HAHAHA!!!!

Thomas Nagel name-drop, eh? Yeah, I guess he’s all right.

Frost July 22, 2011 at 9:48 am

I haven’t read Nagel since grade 12 philosophy, and I think I may then have only read a summary. Just tryma look erudite, ya dig?

Men who complain that game lack authenticity, that it isn’t being “true to yourself” are 100% motivated by fear of failure. So much easier to remain in a protective cocoon of feigned indifference to one’s success with women, rather than actually risk their egos. Next time a guy tries to tell you game isn’t authentic, ask him: Well, is exercise authentic? Prepping for a job interview? Studying for a test? If he does none of the above, at least he’s consistent.

1lettuce July 22, 2011 at 1:49 pm

If he does none of the above, he’s probably a failure in most parts of his life. Preparation and training is key to any aspect of life.

I think the conflict some people feel over Game is probably due to fear of failure. I know a few guys who put in little effort in meeting women, and of course, they fail to meet women. Even before Game, I tried to be active in meeting women. I didn’t succeed often, but I learned.

Listening to Lily complaining about aloofness makes me laugh. It’s his aloofness that adds to this guy’s “aura” for her. It’s attractive – if he was outright honest and open, he’d certainly lose some attractiveness in her eyes.

I hope she listens to you. If not, she has a gaggle of similar girls who’ll champion every victory she has, and shush any doubt she has. After all, it’s never her fault.

“YOU GO, GIRL!!111″

Ryan July 25, 2011 at 1:30 am

“100% motivated by fear of failure”? Well, maybe. I say it’s most immediately a sign of Romantic Idealism, or in other words, naive wishful thinking. This includes a man’s pedastilization both of women and of himself.

Obviously he vaults up the latter as a self-preservative effort to secure his undeniably fragile ego via a lot of proud rationalization. This definitely requires his avoidance of anything for which he might be clearly accountable, i.e., any kind of engagement in activity that could at least overtly level the playing-field or, even worse, potentially highlight substantial incompetence in the event he faces further failure despite utilization of a guaranteed method toward success.

Except I think some guys elevate women to ridiculous heights merely as examples of excessive desire for some Edenic utopia, for a restoration of virginal innocence across the board, a fantastical purity wherein there’s never any mixture with uncertainty or struggle. And, to be fair, perhaps that’s OK, if moderate, periodic indulgence is somehow necessary to ease the guy’s mind through times of stress and despair. However, the fact of the matter is that, in a fallen world, a man’s gotta, first, recognize he’s far from the top; then, grab hold of something solid; and finally, with all his strength of body & mind, painstakingly, slowly but surely, climb. The beta aesthete simply prefers to lie in bed and enjoy his dreams rather than deal with reality. (And he gets grumpy if you wake him up.)

Re: Nagel, don’t worry; no need to disclaim or self-deprecate. (Especially when there are women around.) I was just throwing in some cocky/funny condescension. Y’know, blatantly assuming myself into some type of esteemed role whereby a world-renowned philosopher must still win my approval — by being judged just minimally competent according strictly to whatever my own whimsical judgment, presumably transient, happens to be. It’s also a tongue-in-cheek example of AMOGing; I seem to take the authoritative position of a gate-keeping blog referee of sorts, as if all along you were seeking and/or in need of my hard-earned thumbs-up. And, finally, of course, it establishes that I’m (a) likewise educated & erudite, as well as (b) comfortably a part of the same “in” group of intelligent, acceptable individuals bonding securely under a common array of beliefs & goals.

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